Pak Lah's Sandiwara Manual

I don't know about you guys but I think all this Mat Skodeng shit is one of those sandiwara act to boost Mr. Lah's/Grandpa Seri Lah's image as a open-minded, bold, wise and THE BEST THING Malaysia is so blessed to have. Don't you think this scenario is all too familiar?

Grandpa Seri Lah's Sandiwara Operation Manual:
1. Have some idiot under you say something really stupid and idiotic in the mainstream media.

2. Make sure what the lacky said in step 1 is a must-hate statement that even by glancing the headlines will make any legally and practically sane rakyat jump of disgust.

3. After generating tons of heat and criticsm from all four corners wait a minimum of two days (so that the PM can get enough info from every single freakin' media available in Malaysia*).

4. In come PM to save the day with some comments which echoed every single feedback columnists and blogs gave.

5. Make sure what he said is published in the headlines. Make sure all editors praise PM.

6. Rinse and repeat

*Blogs are optional since they are a bunch of whiny liars and I don't lie.

Wake me up when we get pass Renaissance Age

Ah... we are finally entering the phase where the rest of Europe and most parts of the World had experience during 400AD to 1000AD. I mean its not too late right? Considering we are lagging behind by..... a millenia? I mean surely its a good thing right? That means we are going to have good times ahead of us after 600 years right?

I mean surely treating foreign labours as slave is a good thing right? Keeping them in a confine area and denying them of the basic rights and even their sanity? That way after 600 years people will look back and be thankful for their freedom right?

Surely asking women to wear chastity belts are a good thing... maybe in the next 600 years women will finally have equality in this country right? Its not long right? 600 years is pretty fast.... I hope.

You know back in the Dark Ages where people questioning the king or the church are brand as heretics and are either burn on a stake or had his head slice off. I mean its a good thing right? At least after 600 years they finally had their brains grown on their head and started to decentralize power from an individual or organisation to the people. I mean surely the two heroes of our community being sued and the rest of us being called liars and even being branded as some sort of a heretic are a good thing right? I mean after 600 years freedom of speech and a balance democracy will finally have a place in this land... No?

The religious fanatics commisioning peeping toms to peep at people having sex as a form of "investigation"... Oh wait... even in the dark ages those religious fanatics are not so... so... fucked up... (sorry can't find a proper word for it >_<). So let's skip this.. Next! Do you still remember chapter 3 of our Form 4 Sejarah where we were told that both the political leaders and the religious leaders are sucking the country's coffers empty to fill their pockets? Do you still remember how the country's land and resources are divided up among the king's family members or some noble dog of the King... or some knight with a large army? How the father-in-law gave a large chunk of wealth to his son-in-law and his sons? Oh wait... I don't think the last part is inside the textbook or the syllabus. Damn my poor memory... its been a long time since I studied history and I kinda mix up the events in chronological order.... etc... etc.... You get my point ;) So yeah, all these events happening around us aren't so bad... I mean everything will be aye-ok if we are patient enough to wait for another 600 years... that is if you are alive til' then. Well for what I know, having a patience that can stretch to 600 years is something I don't have and will never have. Let's change all this shit now when we still have the power to.

Foreign Workers = Unsung Heroes

Saw a posting from The Malaysian which shocked me. Go read it if you haven't here. Is there anyone in Malaysia that even care about the foreign workers? They are the unsung heroes of the Malaysian economy. They fill up the jobs where no Malaysian wants. Without them do you think the construction industry can survive? Our economy is very dependant on them.

Its stupid how we like to push all of the blame to the foreign workers when it comes to crime. Are we so short-sighted that we can't even notice that most of the major cases involving murder and rape are actually done by Malaysians? Are the authorities taking the easy way out by pushing all the blame to the foreign workers? Do they think that crimerates plunge all of a sudden after the implementations?

By putting foreign workers into a prison-like working environment, won't it cause even more social problems? When you restrict ones freedom you are taking away their precious sanity and that will be even worse when a legion of them break-free from their confinement. More chaos will ensue.

Is there any police in Malaysia left that actually respect basic human rights? Beating up peaceful protestors is one thing.. confining innocent people is the lowest one can get its like we are turning more and more into Nazis!

I wouldn't be surprise if one day all Malaysians are confined into their taman's when the problem is still not solved.

Better ways to prevent rape then a chastity belt....

Just when you think religious leaders in Malaysia are not getting any dumber than they currently are, they go say something about women wearing chastity belt to prevent rape and incest. I have an even better idea... I mean to solve a problem we need to get to the root right? Like the Chinese saying "to kill the weeds you need clear the roots" (or something like that).

I had found the perfect solution to solve the root problem... let us castrate all male once they hit puberty. That way we can stop rape from happening before we can even know how to masturbate. Great idea huh? Well if you excuse me, I am going to pack my bags.....

Hurrah for the Police!

The Malaysian Police Force is a very interesting species. Each time when there's a report on the skyrocketing crimerates in the country, the police chief will always comment that they are "too understaff" to be effective and yet each time during festive seasons you can spot them camping at nearly every single major traffic lights in the whole country waiting for the "next big fish" to come swimming into their trap. Its like suddenly there seems to be a surge in the police efficiency. Can someone tell me why are blue uniformed policeman camping near traffic lights instead of patrolling residential areas where it is prone to break-ins?

Don't you just love festive seasons in Malaysia? Its a time where the rakyat have to worry of getting rob by both cops and crooks.

Happy Chinese New Year!!

Well, hope everyone had lotsa things to eat so that by the time trimester ends... they will be my size and I won't get that "OMG JUSTIN LOOK HOW MUCH YOU HAD 'GROWN'" look each time people sees me.. j/k. Hope everyone had a great year ahead especially my bros who are now in their last sem. Hope you guys can go through this last freakin' obstacle.... or else I will have friends graduating with me next year ^_^

Don't Download This Song

If you think that every recording artists are pricks that supported the RIAA's (Record Industry Association of America) approach in dealing with downloaders (READ: SUING 12 YEAR OLDS FOR DOWNLOADING MUSIC OFF THE NET') and wanting to squeeze every single dime (or sen) out of us consumers you are wrong.

In comes "Weird Al" Yankovic, yeap the man who brought you all those uber funny parodies of songs such as You're Pitiful (a parody of You're Beautiful), Fat (Michael Jackson's Bad) and Amish Paradise (Gangsta's Paradise) with his latest song "Don't Download This Song". In this song he satirizes the actions of the RI-double-A and making fun of Metallica (remember the has-beens who went on a p2p witch hunt just because nobody is buying their music anymore during the 90s which brought the death of Napsters? Yeah its those guys).

"To add insult to injury" to quote Faz , Weird Al let's you to download his song for free from his album's website. Now what are you waiting for? Go download it here (don't worry it's legal). Now that's what I call a recording artist with class.

Party of Idiots?

I just can't stop laughing after reading this article about UMNO. According to the The Star:

"Some Umno members here think that by renewing their membership, they automatically become registered voters."

How stupid ignorant can these people get? And people still wonder why our country is in such a deep shit we are currently in?

I Demand To Get What I Pay For!

Imagine this scenario:

You bought a condo with promises of tons of facilities from swimming pools to saunas to gyms and tennis courts... etc.. etc.. and after you moved in you wanted to use these facilities to make full use of what you pay. You found out that everywhere you go are crowded, the condo management did not provide enough space to accommodate these much people. After a month you saw a notice in the notice board stating:

"Due to the overcrowding of facilities, the management decided to limit the usage of the facilities per unit. Each unit can only use the facilities 2 times a month. To use it more than 2 times, you will have to pay an additional fee depending on how many times you use per month."

So how would you feel? Cheated? Who's fault is it? Is it the management because they did not provide the proper amount of space needed to accommodate their customers? Or is it the customers' fault for "overusing" their facilities? As a customer, isn't it logical that we get what we pay for or else what is the use of paying right?

Same goes to us broadband users. We pay a monthly fee hoping to get what we pay for, fast connection speed so that we can stream videos, play MMORPGs, blog and download shows off the net. Instead we are told that we cannot use this much bandwidth so that it is "fair" to other users when the real issue here is that they are oversubscribed. They had too many users and so little bandwidth. So whose fault is it?

The truth is, our ISPs are all greedy bastards who want to get more customers but refuses to upgrade their bandwidth. Instead of admitting that they suck, they just have to take the easy way out by pushing the blame to us heavy users.

Ah.. Now it's the babies' fault?

I love being in my country because whatever we do its always not our fault. When the flood happened last month its not our fault because we do not have proper drainage system. It is not our fault when the flood response is chaotic at best. Nope that's not our fault it's Singapore's. When there's social issues like rape, robbery and murder happening in Malaysia it's not our fault. Yeah, it's the foreign workers (when most of the major crimes are committed by Malaysians)! When "local models" are not shown in ads and billboards its not their fault because they do not have the broad appeal, it's the Pan-Asian models.

To add in to the list of our truly Malaysian (something Zam should be proud off since it is not Pan-Asian), it's now the babies' fault. Yes, when a man married a foreign wife and later found out their marriage is not legal... their babies might get deported back to his/her mother's land of origin. So it's now the babies fault that their parents are not legally married? So is it the babies' fault that his/her dad deposited his sperm in his/her mother's "cockpit"? What are the deported babies going to do once they are back home? Find a job?

Yet whenever we declared something outrageous and stupid like that, we say out proudly as if that is the definite solution to the whole equation. God, I love Malaysia. We might be the only country in the World to be proud of our own stupidity.

Ahh... Why not ban foreign films as well?

As if blaming Singapore for the floods is not enough, our government had to go for double kill today by saying that they want to start banning ads that feature models with "Pan-Asian" looks. How about models with mixed parentage? Will they be ban from TV too? Or a pure Malaysian who happens to look "Pan-Asian"? Here's my favourite part:

“RTM has long imposed the ban on foreign culture in ads on local television to allow some leeway for our local advertising agencies.”

Well why not ban ALL foreign cultures on TV and cinemas too? I mean if a 30 seconds ad can bring foreign culture into this country, what would a 2 hour movie do to us? Convert all into Americans?

Well I have a great suggestion for you Zam. Why not we emulate North Korea by banning all "foreign elements" from local TV stations, destroy the MEASAT, shutdown Astro, disconnect all of us from the internet and only allow local calls? That would be a great idea. I mean we don't want some American to "poison" our mind while we you are the Minister of Information don't you?

Time Flies

Just today a junior of mine added me to her Friendster list and after browsing through her photos and looking at how some familiar faces had grown up suddenly makes me feel... nostalgic. It was feels just like yesterday (I know this is an overused cliched line but that's what I am feeling right now ok? >_<) that I was still in (Secondary School Year 5) Form 5 and the rest of my juniors are in Form 1. Now all of them had graduated from secondary school recently. When I was browsing through her photos I had that "been here done that" feeling and I find myself wishing I could relive my secondary school days again. Still remember how I spend nearly all of my secondary school days as a prefect, how we would always start a rebellion against the head prefect, the two crushes I had during my five years there, the rejections I faced from the, how our conversation revolves around sex and watching porn was like an adventure to all of us. I still remember one of my close friend invited me over to his house for pizzas and porn when his parents are not around, I still can't stop laughing each time I think of it. I still remember how I was a rising "star" of the PBSM but only to quit as a sign rebellion against the new President but only to come back after being invited personally by another President during secondary 4. How I use to have a passion for chess. I was never really good at it but still the passion for chess and the love of going to competitions had been a part of my life during my five years there. I still remember the last two years of my secondary school days where me and my friend were considered as "heart throbs", yeah go ahead and laugh all you want but it's true :P and how I constantly receive gifts from girls and how I had to asked my mum to help me to settle a girl who constantly called me about 3 times a day. Those were the days indeed. Too I didn't experience any of those during my University life... (oh I am soooo going to get my ears pulled if my girlfriend read this sentence >_<) Sigh I really miss those days, where all friends are pure and none of them are out there to backstab you. How we are all so innocent and naive and the world outside meant nothing to us. How we view things in life as either black or white and never shades of grey. Maybe this is why I seldom mentioned anything about my past.... I hate the feeling of nostalgia... the feeling of wanting to relive your past but reality had just had to say "NO!"

A Simple Request

Please Singapore can you all do us all a favour by suing Malaysia for defamation? I never knew that the Johor government can insult our intelligence like that by trying to push the blame our neighbours down South for the recent floods as if blaming God is not enough. Ok, let's say that the theory of the Kota Tinggi flooding is some how correct, then how do we explain about the big Segamat flood? Blame it on Pahang or Melaka?

So please Singapore, sue us. Sue the Johor government and the mainstream papers that carry the posts and ask them for an apology. That way you might cure our government's "NOT ME" syndrome. Well at least they will think twice before blaming someone else.

Excuse me Mr. PM (Part II)...

Dear Mr. Lah, I am sorry that I was harsh on you in my previous entry. Since you are still new.. like, you know, MORE THAN THREE YEARS in the office and since you are still a n00b in the office I am going to cut you some slack since you still have EVERYTHING a lot of things to do. I mean of course there's still lots of things to do, I mean, your son-in-law and your son still haven't reach multi-trillionaire status and you still haven't send your predecessor to the grave because you still haven't dismantle enough of his policies. So yeah, I am going to cut you some slack here today and instead of "lying" about how bad you are I am going to suggest a few things on how to boost your image online.

I mean c'mon, don't tell me you decide to condemn us all and the internet all together when you can embrace us and stop listening to our constant nagging about your sampans and private jets and your broken rice bowl family members right? I mean calling us liars and having your lackeys suing us for defamation will only cause a huge retaliation from us so why fight us when you can make us work for WITH you (still remember this quote?)

First up I suggest you stop wasting the people's money by sending space tourists to space or building sports centres on other people's soil and start spending those money on ICT infrastructure. Start a nationwide fibreoptics cabling project that ensure everyone in Malaysia can stay connected. Lease those lines to ISPs, so that there won't be only one fucked up dominating ISP who don't give a flying fuck about its subscribers and in the meantime people can get affordable high speed broadband (high speed as in 5 to 10Mbps not that 512kbps or 1Mbps shit that we are offered now). Think about it, this is a win-win situation here. First, you get to educate a whole nation with the internet and you will finally get all the love from bloggers throughout the nation that you sooo wanted all this while since you had gave what most bloggers in Malaysia wanted even more than sex... a decent internet connection.

As a plus, you will get more foreign IT base investments to boost the dead MSC. People might finally start looking this way for a start instead of that nearly invisible red dot down south.

So yeah, I do hope you can think about it and stop threatening us for a change.

P.S: And please tell all your lackeys that the Internet is not just for porn! It's a disgrace how so many government officials can only think of porn whenever the internet is mention.