Shit Happens...

Don't you just love it when life just came crashing down on you. Everything that you do or care about just turn your back on you. For this whole MMU academic year (June 2006 til' now) is pretty shitty for me. It all started off badly with my industrial training where I suffer a slight depression due to the sudden change of environment. I was having my training alone and being an enthusiastic trainee who tries to work as hard as possible, instead of getting my work recognized, I was being pushed around by my supervisor. Just when I thought nothing could get any worse, I flunked two subjects. Its perfect timing I tell you, I had never failed any subjects in my whole degree course and just when I thought I could have graduate peacefully with no hiccups I have to fail two fucking subjects on what is supposedly my last academic year and which I am forced to extend another just for these two subjects! During this time my former close friend whom I had never talked for nearly a year due to some misunderstandings in the past had pass away due to a freak accident. It came as a shock and this is the first time in my life I had to deal with a death of a friend. It took me a week to get over it.

Just two weeks before my industrial training ends and just when I thought all these will be better once I finished my industrial training, I got into some problems with my University's management. Of course I cannot voice it here since I was given the order not to speak out about the incident again or I might face the boot. Just say it have to do with voicing out and the management is not happy with it. The whole ordeal was really mentally taxing. I was screwed over and over again by the management and was forced to attend a Student Trial and all that shit and got away with a "DON'T DO THIS AGAIN" warning (that explain I did not explain everything the whole "saga" in detail). Its like I only wanted to help but instead I was the one punished.

Just when I thought my depression won't sink anymore deeper, there are some external factors which cause me to sank even deeper. Just when I finally found the light at the end of this seemingly unending labyrinth of depression just yesterday I found out I flunked another two subjects. All of a sudden I find myself wanting to give up my studies. I have no more will to go on anymore. Each time the scenario of seeing my all my friends graduating before me I feel depress. Each time I thought of how disappointed my dad will get when he finds out I fail, I feel depress. Each time I think about how I am still going to be financially dependent on my parents... I feel depress. Being the eldest in the family, my dad still have another 2 more younger sons to support and he ain't getting any younger. He is 53 this year and I really do wish to lessen his burden by supporting myself for once.

Right now, I really don't know what to do now. Everything seems to crash down on me all of a sudden. The only thing holding my sanity together is none other than my girlfriend. The only piece of sanctuary I know I can go to during a time like this. Let's just hope life won't take away my last piece of sanity while gaining back my lost ones.